a new start

I've been learning a lot about myself recently, and it's not always when I want to. I'm one of those people that thinks there's a time and place for everything, and when it happens differently, it really throws me off. Life is full of those crappy slogans though: "hope for the best, but expect the worst" "things could always be worse", and the list goes on.
How many of us march to the beat of our own drum? I know I try to. It's not always easy, having been raised in a co-dependent world. I know this is where most of my rants end up these days, but that's because I see it as such an epidemic, and it doesn't seem like anyone notices. And why should they?
My grandparents: children should be seen and not heard (also, didn't outwardly show love or affection)
My parents: wanted to show us love and affection, and encouraged us to "be our own person".
Me: babied TOO long, and not really allowed to grow up, and yet grew up way too fast.
My sister: grew up quite fast, and didn't really share her struggles with me.

So, I am trying to become an expert at the one thing most people need: myself. I don't mean that everyone needs me, but you all need to learn more about yourself too!

My best friends see doctors to help them. THAT'S SO AWESOME! That takes to much strength and courage, to step aside, and say "I don't know myself as well as I thought I did." Holy cow! Think about that for a second. Someone actually doesn't know much about who they are. Who's the one person you're with 100% of every waking day of life? Not your spouse, not your kid, YOU. And to admit, just ADMIT, I don't know myself, I need a professionals help? That's frickin amazing.
Now one of said friends, asked me how I stop thinking about embarrassing things, and negative things throughout my whole life. This question struck me as odd. On the opposite of that, I have often wondered how Ezra falls asleep so fast. His reply: "I shut my brain off"... WHAT?! How the hell does one shut their brain off?! I mean, are you serious? Is that just a "guy" thing? Or am I just so full of too many thoughts to turn off?
In response to my friend, however, I wasn't sure how to answer. I adopted a slogan for myself while I was living in San Francisco that I absolutely love though: Will it matter in 2 weeks, or a year from now? And I mean really matter. We were at the laundromat, and friend took someone else's dry laundry from the dryer, set it on a clean surface, and put her own items in the dryer. Then she over-thought what she did and hoped the other woman wouldn't get angry with her... I guess I justify things a lot. Because, though that incident didn't "matter", it does still stick out in my mind, because I wish it wouldn't bother her. But I know it will.
I guess what I am trying to get at is, if it doesn't bother the "victim" in that victimless crime, then why should it bother the offender? I'm sure her clothes didn't get damaged in any way, my friend just needed a dryer, and that one had been done for about a half hour. Big whoop.

It's not a strength issue. She's one of the strongest people I know. Like I said about the doctor, she's willing to get HELP. A-mazing.

Is it about being a people-pleaser? Probably, which is an ugly side-effect of co-dependence. I'm not an expert on other people. I do like to think I have an insight into what people feel, or even the motives behind what they say. She "beats up on herself" a lot, but I see deeper inside, I see that it just happens to be a negative observation. She has positive observations too, they are just kept inside because she doesn't want to sound arrogant. I know that's why, because that's why I don't admit that I think I'm amazing. Well, there you go, I guess I do actually think I'm amazing. But I don't think you'll ever get me to say that in person.

Slogans... come up with your own and you'll be a lot better for it. Don't live my philosophy, it may matter 2 weeks or 10 years down the road for you. We're not the same person. But by all means, PLEASE, don't live anyone else's philosophy/slogan either. Discover something beautiful about yourself, and capitalize on that. Don't remain a product of the "participation award" generation. That's a whole other blog.