Friday, April 3, 2009

feeling a little...

i guess i'm feeling depressed? i can't really figure it out, and it's hard to focus.

i'm feeling helpless. i'm even almost feeling useless. there is a dam about to burst right now, and i don't know what to do next. i don't know if i should just call Elfie to have a shoulder to cry on, i don't know if i should just escape more from my own brain and smoke. i got an email earlier today that pretty much removed all posibility of joining the air force. i was toying with the idea for stability, for movement, for purpose, for a paycheck, for a career i could retire from in 20 years.

thinking i have no creativity at the moment. it's sucking pretty hard. i feel like i can't even make a productive sentence. i'm not used to needing people. i am usually the one people turn to for support. perhaps i am too proud to ask for help? (no, not suicide dummy!)

i just feel...

desperate.