something slipping.

something is definitely slipping through my grasp. there was a friend that i'd turn to, no matter what. those horrible lonely times when i was going through a break-up, or when i just needed to talk. our lives obviously went in different directions, though i always thought we'd be close. like a "no-matter-what" friend. not just a best-friend. bff's... i mean, really?! come on.

and here i sit, poking through pictures, the wife would probably be pissed. it seems i am a topic of "crap-talking" when i am not around. [source upon request] and it makes me sad to think that i am disliked for something i truly have no control over. i never thought my life was something to be jealous of. i mean, i fit in my own puzzle. really that's all one can do. my husband was mine when i first laid eyes on him, our daughter: the closest thing to perfection, i don't work, live glamorously, but i love fiercely. at the moment, that's what i do best.

and the perception: that he is still in love with me. that i am better than her. the truth, if she could get over her hang-ups and be happy, and realize he's so completely in love with her, even if i dropped my pants in front of him with no one around, he wouldn't do it. [i'm 98% sure about that statement] but i did get to see the... sorrow in both their eyes. makes me sad.

it's the ending of an era. which would be my one true regret. i wish we had remained closer. i know it was my own defense mechanism that kept us apart when it did. all i can do is hope he reads this and knows it's for him. -passive aggressive!- there's no other way i can think.