- How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
This is a good one to start with. I have to say that this one has changed a lot for me lately. I guess this depends on the perspective of the answerer, therefore my own. To me this would refer more to my wisdom, which has grown exponentially in the last couple of years. In short I would be 30. mature. - Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never trying. Failing is a product of attempt. If there is never an attempt, there will never be the potential for success. - If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
The things in life that I do which I do not enjoy are out of obligation. In the immediate, I am obligated to disciplining my child, but in the long run, I am creating a productive, and wonderful human being. As for liking things I don't do, i suppose i am hindered by financial capability. I would rather view these as things I am not able to do yet. - When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
I attempt to make my words meaningful. I would hope that I can *do* things with what I say, instead of blowing hot air. I adore efficiency. So, maybe. - What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Priorities. - If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Creating. Crafting. Learning. - Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I believe in spending as much time as you can with your child. I feel like I could be doing a better job at it, but I do feel like this is going to be a rewarding endeavor. I make every attempt to do what I believe. As mentioned above, obligation and perspective tend to play a role in these actions. In order to not offend those closest to me, I do fake things at times, but mostly, I feel I stick to my guns. - If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I would attempt to have better anger-management skills, and travel more. Some plans have been put on hold until Olivia starts school, and others have been postponed even further till she has moved out; at which point we will both be over 40, and very ready to take on our plans. Also, if the average life span was 40, our society would probably handle things differently as a whole, and timelines would be adjusted as a whole. - To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Not enough of it. I tend to become lazy when I live in Fairfield. Most of my education has been laid out for me, instead of choosing my path myself. In high school I didn't really have the opportunity to make a choice by being rushed, then I attended community college, and attempted to begin a relationship with our counseling center, and never found it to be a useful resource. As for all the other aspects of my life, I like to think that I am in charge of my own... fate. I do become lazy when I live here, but I am still on a quest to become enriched, and learned in my every day life. - Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing the right things. - You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
My "conscience" would like to believe that I would stand up for said-friend. I tend to be a social philosopher, and most times I will chime in as a contrast to what is being said. I can say that there have been many times a close friend comes up in conversation, and it can seem like an insulting conversation, as I usually attempt to internalize and introspect all up on myself. It's important to know that we all have our faults, and an easy way for people to relate would be to compare ourselves to our peers. - If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Your only job in life is to find enjoyment. - Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Absolutely. (Not murder perhaps.) - Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
Insanity and creativity are too linked to see one without the other. The only thing that really makes a person "insane" is a lack of cognitive control. - What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
This is hard to say. As it is I see everything I do as average, because it's the way I do a thing. My own perception is that I do everything in a "normal" fashion, but it's difficult to look at myself in an entirely objective light. In my attempts, I may find what is different. Eventually. - How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Individual perception would be my generic answer. Some people have the need for outside reinforcement, while others find gratification in just doing. Everyone learns differently, and their upbringing will determine what they find entertaining. - What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
International travel - no passport, and financial unavailability are holding me back. - Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
I firmly believe that everyone holds on to something they need to let go. No matter how much we like to thing that "letting go" will bring closure, I can't say that it will not effect me. The subconscious is fucked that way. I don't think I have any regrets though. My past, though not something I might always want to re-live, I at least learned from those experiences. - If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
There are so many cities in this country that I would live, and there are probably a few countries that I would move to, and all for different reasons. I would LOVE to move to Portland; it's a great place for families, farmers markets, local economy, and bicycling. I would LOVE to move to New York (not necessarily the City proper, but kinda anywhere) as everyone is so MOTIVATED! I lack motivation a lot of the time, and just being in that environment is enough to get me going. - Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
No, and no. But I do press the cross walk button more than once. A friend told me a pattern to change the light faster. And I am gullible, so I try every once in a while. Though if you hold the floor button, and the door close button at the same time it will pass all other floors. Another good trick that I know. - Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Worried genius. Obviously. - Why are you, you?
I am a consequence of my entire history. And I am optimistic of my future successes. - Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Mostly. - Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Losing touch with a good friend, no matter the distance. It is always harder to re-kindle a relationship, especially a very close one, because you will probably not reach the same level, but will always attempt. When friends move away, it's proof that it's worth it when you can stay friends. - What are you most grateful for?
My individuality and imagination. - Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
Ho boy. It's like that movie Memento. All memories are important to me, though older ones certainly become fleeting after a while. This mind is not a steel trap. - Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
Situationally, yes. I have "known" things that I had no evidence for. This would fall into the category of belief. - Has your greatest fear ever come true?
My greatest fears are based on my personal history, so in a way yes, though my worst fears only magnify these histories. - Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
Nope. My motto: If it doesn't matter a month from now, a year, or 5 from now, then it's not a big deal. - What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
- At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
New York, Burning Man, and when I create things to wear. - If not now, then when?
Pretty soon. - If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
My family, my daughter, my husband, and probably money. - Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Absolutely. - Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Because they are run by humans, who by nature, are half evil. We are taught to be "good" growing up, which makes "bad" things taboo. Taboo is just getting away with things. Man keeps man in check, if the authority says to do it, then it is done. Because a person is smart, and a group of people is not. Also, the false sense of Sin allows people to justify doing horrible things to "sinners" as a means of purification and cleansing. - Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
There is always doubt, otherwise you are not learning. - If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
I would cease to babysit, invest a portion, buy a home, a different car, and save a very large portion. - Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
More work I enjoy. I like being productive. - Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Nay, perhaps 50. - When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
This makes me slightly sad. I cannot recall really doing this ever. I suppose when I moved to SF there wasn't really a plan, and when I quit my job. And when we found out I was pregnant. But I wouldn't say that those were a "soft glow of" blah blah. - If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Fuck. - Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
Nope. - What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Making the most of what you are given, and giving to others (being my personal definition of Living), opposed to breathing. - When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
Indeed. This one is not so finitely defined. - If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Because "we" are afraid of criticism. And most humans are afraid of rejection. - What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
Probably everything.
(revisit)
Boy-oh-boy this one is one of them "revealing" ones, eh? To answer this honestly would be inviting those that judge me to know wouldn't it? - When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
I listen to the sound of my breath every time I fall asleep. - What do you love?
Creating, thinking, expression.
Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I certainly hope so. - In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?
Probably not. It was fairly mundane, but "enjoyable".
What about the day before that?
Probably not, but it was a nice day off with Ezra, and we had some mellow times together.
Or the day before that?
My return trip from New York. I hope I remember, as I threw up water, saw the Tanenbaum House, and bought my trinkets of memories. - Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I make most of my decisions, and I also have to make them for others. Quite frequently actually. I try to only let others make unimportant decisions for me.
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
2 years ago
